I recently read a book by the American clinical psychologist Dr Elaine Aron, called: ‘The Highly Sensitive Person. How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You’. I found this book both fascinating and healing, partly because of the subject matter itself, but largely because of the way it described me. Yes, as I was turning the pages, I realized this book was about me, as if the author knew me personally! It is not often that I have felt like this while reading a book! In many ways, I have begun to feel an immense sense of relief to discover that many of my personal characteristics were not, as I was made to believe, some kind of a defect, a weakness that needed to be treated and fixed, but simply a natural part of who I am. What’s more, I realized that there are many others just like me.
So what is it all about? We are all different when it comes to tolerance of stimulation. Simply put, our levels of sensitivity can be very different. Elaine Aron calls it in her book ‘sensitivity of sensory processing’. It is a characteristic of the central nervous system, and it is determined genetically. She uses the acronym DOES to describe it further:
D – Depth of processing – highly sensitive people can sense/feel even very weak stimuli and process it cognitively.
O – Overstimulation – it is very easy for us to feel that some stimulation is too much, which can lead to tiredness, irritability, or withdrawing from social situations.
E – Emotional Reactivity and Empathy – highly sensitive people can have a very intense experience of their own emotions and those of others. This can be both good and bad. On the one hand, we can be more aware of what others are feeling but, on the other, that can bring on feelings of being overwhelmed.
S – Sensitive Stimuli – particular sensitivity to sensory stimuli like smells, sounds, or light.
Around 20% of people possess a highly sensitive nervous system. We can have more intense experiences of physical pain, may be more prone to headaches, but also our feelings of guilt or obligation may be much stronger. We can pick up on very subtle signals, and recognize a lack of acceptance, hidden conflicts, or the needs of others. Our nervous system can be easily overstimulated by caffeine, noise, time pressures, or too many tasks. We often find that:
- Other people’s moods strongly affect us
- It is easy for us to start feeling guilty
- We don’t cope very well when we need to complete many tasks at the
same time
- We really appreciate and enjoy art and nature
- Our relationships with others are close and deep
- We do not like movies and programmes filled with violence
- We notice things that others do not
- We often find social situations exhausting
- We find it difficult to fall asleep after an exciting day
- We organize our lives in such a way as to avoid unexpected and
overwhelming situations
A few tips to help highly sensitive souls to cope every day:
Have your own morning ritual – don’t force your sensitive nervous system to confront the stimulating world too quickly. Get up a bit early to take time to enjoy your morning coffee, and have your breakfast without having to rush.
Avoid too many tasks/commitments and time pressures – try to estimate beforehand how much time you need to complete certain tasks, and give yourself even more time than you estimated.
Prepare yourself for big changes – like new relationships, or a new job. Anticipate the consequences and different ways that things can go. Have patience and understanding for yourself. Highly sensitive people will find such changes more costly.
Avoid overstimulation of your sensitive nervous system – don’t watch too much television, switch off the ads, avoid noisy places, shop locally or on-line instead of visiting a big shopping centre.
Find your place – live far from traffic noise, get a job that gives you some ‘breathing space’, go for walks in the park of forest, go on holidays.
Meditate or practice mindfulness – you will hush your nervous system and allow yourself to find balance
Find your anti-stressors – it can be a chat with a close friend, a nice cup of tea, prayer, or even staring at a tree. Do it as often as you need to.
Have evening rituals – to help your nervous system to calm down after a stimulating day. This could be a warm bath, reading a bit of a good book, or having a hot chocolate.
Don’t compare yourself to others – Think about the specifics of your nervous system, like it, and make good use of it.
The world seems to be constructed in such a way that high sensitivity is treated like a flaw which prevents people from becoming successful, and the people who are confident, competitive, immune to criticism, and less sensitive, are the ‘preferred type’. However, as Elaine Aron points out in her book, even though our culture was shaped by less sensitive warriors and kings, aggressive, impulsive and hungry for power, they would have all killed each other if it wasn’t for the quiet support of their priests, spouses, parents, philosophers and artists, who would encourage them to stop, slow down, and consider the more subtle aspects of their reality. I agree with Elaine Aron when she writes that in order to survive and bloom, societies need people who feel more intensely, and who can carefully examine the present in order to see the opportunities as well as the threats awaiting in the future.
So what is it all about? We are all different when it comes to tolerance of stimulation. Simply put, our levels of sensitivity can be very different. Elaine Aron calls it in her book ‘sensitivity of sensory processing’. It is a characteristic of the central nervous system, and it is determined genetically. She uses the acronym DOES to describe it further:
D – Depth of processing – highly sensitive people can sense/feel even very weak stimuli and process it cognitively.
O – Overstimulation – it is very easy for us to feel that some stimulation is too much, which can lead to tiredness, irritability, or withdrawing from social situations.
E – Emotional Reactivity and Empathy – highly sensitive people can have a very intense experience of their own emotions and those of others. This can be both good and bad. On the one hand, we can be more aware of what others are feeling but, on the other, that can bring on feelings of being overwhelmed.
S – Sensitive Stimuli – particular sensitivity to sensory stimuli like smells, sounds, or light.
Around 20% of people possess a highly sensitive nervous system. We can have more intense experiences of physical pain, may be more prone to headaches, but also our feelings of guilt or obligation may be much stronger. We can pick up on very subtle signals, and recognize a lack of acceptance, hidden conflicts, or the needs of others. Our nervous system can be easily overstimulated by caffeine, noise, time pressures, or too many tasks. We often find that:
- Other people’s moods strongly affect us
- It is easy for us to start feeling guilty
- We don’t cope very well when we need to complete many tasks at the
same time
- We really appreciate and enjoy art and nature
- Our relationships with others are close and deep
- We do not like movies and programmes filled with violence
- We notice things that others do not
- We often find social situations exhausting
- We find it difficult to fall asleep after an exciting day
- We organize our lives in such a way as to avoid unexpected and
overwhelming situations
A few tips to help highly sensitive souls to cope every day:
Have your own morning ritual – don’t force your sensitive nervous system to confront the stimulating world too quickly. Get up a bit early to take time to enjoy your morning coffee, and have your breakfast without having to rush.
Avoid too many tasks/commitments and time pressures – try to estimate beforehand how much time you need to complete certain tasks, and give yourself even more time than you estimated.
Prepare yourself for big changes – like new relationships, or a new job. Anticipate the consequences and different ways that things can go. Have patience and understanding for yourself. Highly sensitive people will find such changes more costly.
Avoid overstimulation of your sensitive nervous system – don’t watch too much television, switch off the ads, avoid noisy places, shop locally or on-line instead of visiting a big shopping centre.
Find your place – live far from traffic noise, get a job that gives you some ‘breathing space’, go for walks in the park of forest, go on holidays.
Meditate or practice mindfulness – you will hush your nervous system and allow yourself to find balance
Find your anti-stressors – it can be a chat with a close friend, a nice cup of tea, prayer, or even staring at a tree. Do it as often as you need to.
Have evening rituals – to help your nervous system to calm down after a stimulating day. This could be a warm bath, reading a bit of a good book, or having a hot chocolate.
Don’t compare yourself to others – Think about the specifics of your nervous system, like it, and make good use of it.
The world seems to be constructed in such a way that high sensitivity is treated like a flaw which prevents people from becoming successful, and the people who are confident, competitive, immune to criticism, and less sensitive, are the ‘preferred type’. However, as Elaine Aron points out in her book, even though our culture was shaped by less sensitive warriors and kings, aggressive, impulsive and hungry for power, they would have all killed each other if it wasn’t for the quiet support of their priests, spouses, parents, philosophers and artists, who would encourage them to stop, slow down, and consider the more subtle aspects of their reality. I agree with Elaine Aron when she writes that in order to survive and bloom, societies need people who feel more intensely, and who can carefully examine the present in order to see the opportunities as well as the threats awaiting in the future.